So I find myself crashing into my past. I'm thinking about Hannah, but I'm also thinking about Dana. And even further back to another. There is so many tears, and so many broken hearts. It makes me hurt a little bit. No, it makes me hurt a lot. God I miss so many things that I don't have anymore. Things that Hannah can't give me. I am so broken hearted, and there is nothing I can do. It's strange that it hit me so late. I think the hardest thing about it all is that there was nothing else I could do. We had our run at it...we loved each other, but there was no way around the fact that we weren't meant for each other. We loved so passionately we burned up. I don't regret it, it just makes it hard to find someone who fills the hole. Nobody seems to do that. I miss how dirty she talked, but she was so sweet and loving. She could be the biggest bitch, but god she could be so good sometimes. She made me feel so good. I was a god for our time together...at least before the end. Hannah will never give herself to me. I know this even though she doesn't. There will be an end soon I am pretty sure. She is everything Dana wasn't, and that is good and bad. Regardless I am not the one who pulls her heart completely.
It is so hard to move on. I still have all those I loved in my mind. I have so much love to give, and such a big heart. Too big. It rips me apart. I try to hide it most the time, because those who know usually don't understand. I bleed when I hurt her. Just like I hurt Dana. I'm going to fucking destroy her life. Just like I did with Dana.
I miss your loving touch, even though I don't miss you. I wish we met at a different time. I wish it were true when I said I have no regrets. I have too many to count. No more tears come now. That's good I guess. I can destroy all your pictures, and delete all your numbers, but your memory has stained my heart, mind and soul. I can't stand it anymore. I just want this nightmare of dreams to end. I wish I had it in me. I don't. I really don't.
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