Desires fall

So pretty much the thing that I have valued most in my life, my relationship with Dana, is over. I can't even interpret the emotions I feel. This is the worst day of my life. I love her more than anything, yet sadly I know a healthy relationship, and this is not one. If there is anything I know, I at least know what love is, and what a healthy relationship is. There is a feeling in the pit of my stomach, that the next few months will be hell. I know living without Dana will be the hardest thing I have faced. Ever. The darkness now persists, and I feel dead. Alone. Without my heart. I definitely don't relish in the fact that this is over. No, it rips me a part inside, shredding every goal and desire I have had. But the last straw was drawn, and no matter how much love is there, this is a fools errand trying to keep an anchor afloat. There is deep seeded resentment, frustrations, and feelings that have been eating at the foot of our relationship, and now the foundation is failing.

I feel this is all a dream, or more accurately, a nightmare. I can't believe this is happening. I wanted to marry this girl, I wanted her to take my name and have my children. I wanted to grow old together. It was all too optimistic to last. And now I sink further into the darkness. Even the strongest desires sometimes fall. God I wish this wasn't happening. Fuck... This can't be happening! Somebody just fucking take me behind the shed and shoot me like a wounded dog.