Sunday, August 28, 2005
today's rant
I am nausiatingly bored and lonely. Wayne's World is a good show, but... there has got to be something better than this. I never used to watch t.v. Now that I don't smoke, I'm too depressed to go out. I used to go read at the coffee shop on a Sunday, or do something semi-productive. Now I watch the idiot box. I sit here on my computer and wait for something to happen. Too bad nothing ever does. I used to shave every day, now my face is looking seedy. My self esteem is plumeting at a rapid rate. I should just move to that temple in Ashland and become a monk. Yeah. I know I look for happiness in the wrong places, and that those things I search out will not satisfy me. Therefore, I should stop seeking them. I should stop placing so much emotional weight on relationships. I should cease to seek emotionally fullfilling sexual relationships or...just relationships in general. The truth is I genuinely fuck shit up, that's a fact. That or they do. I think it's just a matter of time. Maybe it's just been too long since I've gone to the river and fished. Yeah...
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4 comments:
I'm so sorry... I'm having an aweful day as well. You can read all about it later. Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone messes things up. It's just a part of life. No one is perfect, it's just human nature. Just remember that for every down you have there is an up to follow it! Keep your chin up!
- Your Personal Coach
I guess I'm just a bit afraid that I will screw something up. If anything good happens to me, I don't trust it. Nothing good has ever lasted. But sorry you're having a bad day coach. I'm just lacking on the up part of the up/down track.
Dang it i wrote such a good response and blogger deleted it. I hope I can remember what it said:
I am lacking in the up department too.... Trust yourself. You seem like such a good guy. Don't turn your head when good things happen to you. Embrace them until they're gone. And when they do leave it's just because something bigger and better is on it's way. It's so hard to be positive when all you feel is negative. Belive I know this for a fact. I'm living it right now. I do know this, This too shall pass, it's only a storm. There are brighter days on the ahead.
*jess*
Well Jess...you're right. Things did turn out well. I just realize that things don't last. And I know it will be a while to where I desire neither comfort or discomfort, pleasure or pain. I just feel weary in the shit storms. I need a change. I'm still going to call you coach.
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