wonderfully fucked up

I feel like it's a cold holiday, and I'm all alone. I miss being touched in affectionate ways by people who chose to be near me. I miss the warmth of another. I miss holding a small hand in mine. I realize how pathetic I am getting, and I understand the way I feel doesn't help my plight. I wonder if I can just walk away from this place...It's such a miraculous disaster. I look around at all the beauty and near perfection, the perfect moments, and they are all spoiled by me. I smile anyways. In fact, I laugh at it all. But it's still all wonderfully fucked up.