My room is such a mess that it's making my brain feel cluttered. I can't move without steping on something or my chair rolling over a cord or a shirt or a wraper. My desk has papers, books, flight manuals, bills and the such spread across it. I don't even put my clothes away in my closet anymore. I don't shower much, or worry about smelling good unless I visit the folks. And it's because I haven't the energy to do anything without Dana influencing my life. I don't even fucking eat much anymore. I wish I could have her stablizling touch...her soft wonderful influence... if only she wanted to give it up for something below her, like the local CC, just to be with me. I know she doesn't, and I know giving up what she has now for me is foolish at best, and I don't blame her for not wanting to. But god I love this girl, and she is my life. Without her I'm lost. I'm so fucking lost. I'm a fucking loser...
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