I find myself just tired and jaded beyond belief. The music echoes in my ears almost tirelessly, and when it does stop, the ringing is incessant. How annoying.
...and then I want a fucking cigarette, but I've said I've quit so many times I'm afraid to smell like one.
but it's just not worth quitting, because life is fucking pointless. It's absolutely beautiful and absolutely depressing. And what makes it pointless is it is all just a bloody means to an end. Everything is a disappointment. I hate being disappointed. It is my Achilles heel, experiencing disappointment. Once I experience it, anger and resentment, pannick and sadness all flood together and make me a furious mess. I attack everyone around me, hurt any person I can, just to make me feel a bit better. The thing is in the end it just hurts me more.
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