Fucking up the ties

I've done it. I admit it. I've fucked up almost every friendship I had in the process of de-depression. I've done most of it, not all, but I put in the last words to down them into an abyssal oblivion. I'm fighting so hard to undo it all, but it's most likely doomed to fail. Kayla, I am so sorry... Malerie, I shouldn't have let myself go into that verbal rage. Sara, god you're amazing for your forgiving attitude... we lost too many years due to my bitterness. Ross... fuck you. No, I'm sorry we lost our good friendship, but lack of maturity will get ya everytime, and we sure were lacking. But I can't regain what we had; that's impossible. Things will never be the same. I should give up all my 'flaming possessions' and walk away before I hurt more people. Chris M. had the right idea. I should follow suit. Texas, arizona, mexico... maybe new mexico in there too. Then it's up north to the quiet places of the world. Work doesn't make me happy, school wouldn't do it if I went back again...I know who would, and she's gone from my grasp, and the only thing left is not material, not relational, but spiritual wandering. I need to cleanse my spirit...